As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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