I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
