I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
