you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
