I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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