i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
