TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
