My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
