I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
