if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
