I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
