yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
