Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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