I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
