her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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