Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
