Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
