My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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