You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
