My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
