walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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