3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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