so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
