dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
