i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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