i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
