11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
