New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
