my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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