you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
