I love black thongs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
