Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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