I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
