a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
