I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
