I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
