I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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