She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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