i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
