I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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