So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
