I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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