remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
