dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
