never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
