Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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