we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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