Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
