next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
