were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
