I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
