Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
should my penis look like a turkey
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
