Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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