I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
