i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
